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THE PROCESS OF
FORGIVENESS
by Dr. Guy A. Pettitt MA, MSE (Psych), MRCP, MRNZCGP
The
Forgiveness Process is a FREELY MADE CHOICE AND DECISION to no longer continue
to harm or punish yourself, nor to continue to diminish your overflowing love,
joy or freedom because of the real or imagined wrongs done by others, or because
of any outer circumstances. The Forgiveness Process is the CANCELLATION of all
the conditions in you that are preventing the flow of love, joy and vitality
through you, independently of the behavior of others or any circumstances.
The purpose of such a process is to heal the memories, the patterns of physical
and emotional dysfunction, and the negative belief systems that were conceived
at times of disappointment, criticism, hurt, abuse, loss, rejection,
humiliation, abandonment and so on.... It is to set the forgiver free to move on
from the effects of these. The flow of love through you is at risk of becoming
blocked, and your health is at stake. It has been said: "One who hates another
(blocks love) digs two graves". Forgiveness is a decision not to hurt ourselves
for the wrongs done by others, or other circumstances. It is a decision to
re-enter the flow of life. This is drawn from the version in Edith Stauffer's
book "Unconditional Love and Forgiveness". This process can be done to forgive
yourself and other people.
Step 1. "I choose to stop hurting myself for what (name of person) has done.
(or, is doing)."
Step 2. Address the person in imagination - use a chair, cushion, or colored
cloth to represent the person: "What you did made me feel.................. I
would have preferred that you had said or done .................."
Step 3. "But you didn't do that. I don't want to hurt myself any more for what
you have done. I'm tired of the discomfort I get from all this. I want to finish
this now. I choose to heal this and let it go completely. I am choosing to be
free of it."
Step 4. "I would have preferred that you had.............................., but
you didn't do that and I cancel that expectation." (Repeat this for all
expectations held). "I cancel all demands, expectations, and conditions that you
do (or say or be) what I would have preferred in the past and now. I cancel the
demand that you be any certain way. You are totally responsible for your
actions. I give that responsibility back to you now (gesture), and I release you
now to your own good."
Step 5. Close your eyes and raise your consciousness to the Higher Self. Imagine
the love that the Higher Self had and has for you. Feel that compassion and love
from the Higher Self; allow it to flow into you and release all the demands and
conditions and expectations. Really feel the positive qualities of the Higher
Self, that part of you that has protected you, loved you, and nurtured you all
the days of your life.
Step 6. With eyes still closed, continue to feel the love from the Higher Self
and now say to the person you are forgiving:-"I send this love out from my
Higher Self to you just as you are and have been, and I release you to your
highest good. "Feel this love flowing out from you to this person. Take your
time to feel and experience this.
Step 7. Now be aware of your body and how it feels. Find out if you are still
holding on to any demands that this person change in any way. If you do not feel
release, repeat the process, - for each action you are holding against this
person. Always examine your willingness to be free. If it feels blocked, ask
within yourself: "Is something else blocking this process?" Usually an answer
will come to you quickly, and you can proceed to process it. It may help to
refer to the longer version for the greater detail and precision that is
sometimes necessary. When you have done what you can, feel deep gratitude that
you can feel love from your Higher Self and can send it out to the forgiven one.
The relief will come. This exercise can be done often - for small hurts and for
deep emotional trauma. It works any time we feel love is blocked. Repetition
begins to make it "second nature" - a good habit, like washing dishes or
cleaning teeth!
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